I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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