I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
