I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
