Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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