You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
