oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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