we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
