Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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