If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
