True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize