i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
