i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
