She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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