dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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