It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
