I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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