i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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