Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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