New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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