i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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