I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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