yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize