guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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