I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
