my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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