now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
