this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
