I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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