i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
