im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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