ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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