I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
