I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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