worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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