i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
do nipples grow back?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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