it wasn't lemon gatorade
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
