At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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