How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
