I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
