either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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