Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
