tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
