frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
