YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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