are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
