Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
