sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
