That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
