absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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