Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
