forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
