Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
