A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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