I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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