your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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