Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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