He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I had to cum in my sink.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
