But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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