I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
