Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
