So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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