just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
